lately I’ve been facing this version of me.
my thirties will only be spent so I won’t be a resentful,
ill-tempered, all-thought-no-effort of a man.
I crave what I deserve.
I toiled, I broke my back.
so I’ll be better off in betterland,
the bitter end of bitter men,
fertile lands of betterland.
I’m scared I’ll turn into a laughingstock,
what if my only skill is disappointing mom?
she says the world owes you nothing,
the world owes you nothing!
and I know she’s right,
work so you don’t feel like a parasite.
it’s all I know, for what it’s worth,
of that I can’t be sure.
don’t tell me to be honest with myself.
the more I see what’s there the more attention I crave.
I could eat the world, still it won’t be enough.
lately I’ve been facing,
facing the weight of defeat.
facing how selfish I’d been, halfway there.
halfway, I need to get things off my chest.
fall down the right set of stairs.
and I know that it’s arrogant and childish to ask,
but I cannot help it, I want it all.
better, I’ll do better, give me better, always better,
room for better, live for better,
always nothing.
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